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In my blog, I explore a wide range of topics related to relationships, sexuality, and mental well-being. Each post is designed to provide insights, practical tools, and fresh perspectives to help you navigate the complexities of love, intimacy, and personal growth. Whether you're looking to deepen your connection with your partner or enhance your overall well-being, my articles offer valuable guidance grounded in my work as a sexologist and therapist.

Choosing Your Emotional State: Why Courage Transcends Anger and Shame

consciousliving courageoverfear emotionalchoice emotionalgrowth innerpeacejourney mentalwellbeing mindfulawareness overcominganger personalempowerment selfcompassion Apr 15, 2025

Introduction

“Keep this thought handy when you feel a fit of rage coming on... The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.”
—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

This quote resonates with me on a profound level. I’ve spent years battling anger, feeling justified in my rage and seeking some grand sense of justice. Looking back, I see how that anger kept me locked in lower-level emotions, far removed from any sense of calm or self-love.

Over time, I realised something crucial: We often nurture everyone else’s pain—like a distressed child or injured animal—but ignore our own suffering. Our ego blinds us, making us believe we’re entitled to our resentment, never realising the harm we inflict upon ourselves. If we truly want inner peace, it’s vital to recognise that we always have a choice in how we experience our emotions.

The Emotional Spectrum: From Shame to Courage

Why Shame Weighs Us Down

If we imagine emotions as a ladder, shame typically sits at the bottom rung. It’s a dark place where humiliation, misery, and self-loathing thrive, causing us to recoil from our innate potential. No one willingly chooses to stay in a perpetual state of shame; it’s a draining emotion that can halt all positive momentum in life.

The Power of Courage

For many, courage can be more accessible than love. While we often confuse love with infatuation or fleeting desires, courage is easier to pinpoint—an unmistakable feeling of forward motion, even in the face of fear. Leaning into courage creates a life-view of possibility and growth:

Feasibility: We see challenges as solvable puzzles rather than insurmountable walls.
Empowerment: Affirming choices, asserting our authentic selves, and stepping into greater freedom.
Progress: Courage unlocks movement, fueling us to climb out of lower emotions and into self-improvement.

Anger and Resentment: Illusions of Strength

Anger can feel potent—like a shield—but Marcus Aurelius reminds us that a calm mind is closer to real strength. When we’re caught up in rage or frustration, we’re essentially tethering ourselves to the source of our upset, pouring energy into an emotional sinkhole. Over time:

Anger Drains Us: Maintaining resentment is mentally and physically exhausting.
Blocks Personal Growth: The energy consumed by anger leaves little room for self-reflection or compassion.
Holds Us in Lower Emotions: Without courage, we remain stuck in a cycle of blame and self-pity.

Making a Conscious Choice

A Daily Practice

When you notice anger, envy, or shame creeping in, pause and ask yourself: “Do I truly want to stay in this emotion, or can I pivot to a higher state—like courage?”

30 Seconds of Courage: Often, it only takes a few moments of bravery to face our fears or vulnerabilities.
Self-Compassion: We treat others’ pain tenderly; let’s offer ourselves the same kindness.
Rewiring Your Mind: Over time, consistently choosing courage rewires how you respond to life’s stressors.

Moving Toward Inner Peace

Shifting from rage or shame toward calm is a practice, not an overnight fix. Yet every conscious decision to elevate our emotional state sets the stage for lasting change. We’re not denying feelings; we’re choosing not to be controlled by them.

Conclusion

Recognising our power to choose emotional responses is transformative. Rather than justifying our anger or sinking into shame, we can step into courage—creating a loop of empowerment rather than a vortex of negativity. The result? A calmer, more compassionate outlook on both ourselves and the world around us.

Vaya Con Dios
Remember, every emotion offers a choice: sink deeper or rise above. And sometimes, all it takes is 30 seconds of courage to break a lifetime of limiting patterns.

Need more help

Sometimes we all need a little extra support, and that's okay. If you're feeling stuck, struggling with a relationship, or simply want to make positive changes in your life, I’m here to walk that journey with you. The most meaningful step for you is to reach out and try a free session to see if we can resolve this.

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