Stretching the Soul: Embracing Life, Death, and Personal Growth
Apr 15, 2025
Stretching the Soul: Embracing Life, Death, and Personal Growth
I’ve always had an interesting relationship with death. From an early age—witnessing my grandfather’s passing—I recognised how profoundly loss affects us, particularly observing my mother’s grief. Looking back, it’s clear that our reactions to life’s events are rarely self-chosen; rather, they’re shaped by the emotional “inheritance” we carry from childhood. At that young age, I sensed a profound force I couldn’t yet articulate—but felt deeply.
Growing up in South Africa, a place that has become increasingly volatile, I became acutely aware of my own mortality. This fear of death or “death anxiety” merged with my everyday anxieties about how I related to others and the environment I found myself in. No matter how I shifted or grew, death always hovered in the background. Indeed, it’s inevitable—and it will get us eventually.
Yet I decided to name this post Stretching the Soul because recent experiences stretched mine to its limits. This year, I lost a dear friend to suicide. No one predicted it; he suffered in silence and ultimately made a solitary decision. There’s something especially poignant about suicide: it’s the aloneness that gnaws at me. I sometimes wonder how different it might be if a person could “share” the experience of dying, letting loved ones be part of that moment. But life isn’t usually that kind—so we remain, processing our loss, aware that if we ever lost hope ourselves, we could face a similar “choice.”
As time passes, we heal in our own ways, though memories and sadness remain. Another devastating blow came with my grandmother’s stroke, and I watched her fight for life until she passed away. Her loss highlighted how empaths, who try so hard to support others, often go unappreciated until they’re gone—then suddenly everyone realises how vital they were.
This grief is a strange thing; I like to think I’ve “accepted” that death is our lot, but the emptiness, the raw ache, reappears when the beloved person is missing from your days. Through it all, however, certain beliefs have become clearer and more urgent for me:
1. You Have Only One Life—Live It Fully
It’s alarmingly easy to slip into complacency, putting off bold decisions for “tomorrow.” But if I’ve learned anything, it’s that tomorrow might not come. Whether it’s trying a new career path, expressing love, or fixing a strained relationship—do it now.
2. Live for Yourself, While Sharing Yourself With Others
This isn’t about becoming selfish or nurturing narcissistic traits; rather, it’s about healthy self-investment. Respecting your own goals and time allows you to support others without losing sight of who you are. There’s no shame in saying “no” if your mental or emotional reserves run dry.
3. Replace “Happiness” With “Moments of Joy”
A singular pursuit of “happiness” is like chasing a mirage. Life is too variable, and prolonged bliss is rare. Instead, focus on capturing moments of joy—a laugh with a friend, the taste of a wonderful meal, a serene sunrise. It’s far more feasible to seek and treasure these fleeting joys than to expect constant euphoria.
4. Being-With-Others Is Everything
Human relationships are complex, marked by disagreements and occasional ruptures. True connection relies on both sides taking responsibility for the wellbeing of the relationship. If one side refuses to acknowledge their part, you can still respond with authenticity—holding true to your boundaries and values. It’s about free self-expression coupled with a willingness to mend bridges, if possible.
5. Understand Love—Then Be Love
If you’re uncertain about what “love” feels like, it’s worth exploring wholeheartedly. Embrace love in its many forms—romantic, platonic, self-love. The real tragedy would be never discovering your own capacity to love yourself. Cultivate that deeply, and it naturally extends to others in healthier, more empathetic ways.
Conclusion
So, where does death fit in? Awareness of mortality, though unsettling, needn’t be a source of panic. Rather, it can galvanise us to lean into life. Every loss or near-miss reminds us not to waste our time and to live with more clarity about who and what we care about. My experiences—friend’s suicide, grandmother’s passing—have underscored that grief, ironically, can lead to growth by forcing us to see what truly matters.
Vaya Con Dios
Whether you’re mourning a loved one or simply aware that we don’t have forever, these insights might help reframe your priorities. Make peace with life and death, pushing yourself to be more present, more caring, and more attuned to the transient yet infinitely precious moments we’re gifted.
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