Embracing Sexual Grounding for Authentic Dating

In the intricate dance of dating, bringing our most authentic selves to the table is both a challenge and a necessity. One powerful tool to enhance this authenticity is sexual grounding – a concept that goes beyond just physical attraction to encompass emotional and psychological preparation.

Sexual grounding is not just about being in touch with our sexual desires; it's about embracing our entire sexual self-image. This means shedding any guilt, shame, or negative emotions that often accompany our sexual identity. It's about understanding and accepting our sexuality as a fundamental part of who we are, influencing how we interact with the world and potential partners.

The journey towards sexual grounding starts with mindfulness, a term that has gained popularity yet often loses its depth in casual use. True mindfulness in dating involves centering our emotional state, becoming aware of our feelings at the moment, and learning to navigate the emotional waves that come with new experiences. This practice allows us to be present and genuinely connected during a date, rather than being overshadowed by performance anxiety or our inner critic.

Moreover, the practice extends to conscious masturbation – a way to connect deeply with our sexuality and create a new, empowered narrative around it. This conscious approach helps us see through the societal narratives connected to our sex and redefine them on our terms.

As we prepare for a date, sexual grounding reminds us to stay present and authentic. It’s about recognising our worth regardless of external validation, understanding that terms like rejection and judgment are mere obstacles on the path to sexual authenticity.

Exploring Inner Truth and Inspiration

At the heart of personal growth lies a profound truth: the source of all truth and inspiration is within us. While this concept might be universally acknowledged, its depth and significance are often fully realized only when we embark on the path of deep self-exploration.

Personal development, psychology, and conscious growth are essential processes for delving into our inner world. These should not just be occasional practices, but integral parts of our daily life. It's crucial for those seeking personal development to fix problems to understand that the journey doesn't end with finding a solution. Rather, it's about continuously applying and evolving the tools and insights we gain to fully unleash our potential.

One of the biggest challenges in this journey is overcoming resistance. Our minds naturally tend to revert to a more stagnant state, especially when we stop reinforcing new, effective ways of relating to the world. Life has an interesting way of intensifying challenges, compelling us to face our problems directly. The fascinating aspect of human nature is our resistance to change. However, when we learn to confront this resistance and step towards it, we uncover life-changing truths.

The philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer once said about truth, "First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as self-evident." This mirrors our personal journey in uncovering and embracing our inner truth. Recognizing this as a reflection of ourselves can lead to transformative changes.

We often look outward for solutions to alleviate life's discomforts. Yet, embracing discomfort and learning to decompress our emotions is a more effective and introspective approach. This inward journey connects deeply with our spiritual and sexual selves, leading to a profound understanding of our place in the world.

In summary, when we tap into the wellspring of truth and inspiration within us, we gain a strength and peace unmatched by the material world. This journey of inner discovery and spiritual knowledge is an enriching and life-changing pursuit.

Understanding Narcissism and Its Impact

Living in the shadow of a narcissistic individual, particularly a parent, is a profound experience that shapes one's emotional world in complex ways. It often leads to a heightened sensitivity to energies and a life marked by emotional turbulence. This challenging environment can, paradoxically, be a catalyst for deep personal growth and empathy.

Empathy in the Face of Narcissism

Being empathic in a narcissistic relationship can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, it fosters a deep understanding of others' feelings; on the other, it can lead to isolation and suffering. Empaths, especially, may find themselves struggling to be heard and seen, their rich inner world often overshadowed by the dominating presence of a narcissist.

The Dynamics of Narcissistic Relationships

Narcissistic relationships are characterised by a cycle of emotional manipulation and control. Those caught in these dynamics frequently face a paradox: the allure of the narcissist's charm and the painful realisation of being emotionally manipulated. Acknowledging this cycle is the first step towards breaking free from the narcissist's influence.

Breaking Free from Narcissism

Creating distance from the narcissist is a critical first step in regaining autonomy. This often involves recognising the control dynamics within the relationship and taking proactive steps such as cutting off contact and setting firm personal boundaries. The journey towards liberation from narcissistic influence is challenging but essential for emotional well-being and personal growth.

Exploring the Depths of Life and Death

My relationship with death has always been profound and complex, beginning from the tender years of my childhood with the passing of my grandfather. This early encounter imprinted deeply on my family and me, particularly on my mother. Reflecting on those days, I realize how our responses to life's events are often not of our choosing but are shaped by how we were conditioned during our formative years. The intensity of what I felt then was overwhelming, a powerful experience that was beyond words for my young self.

In my homeland of South Africa, the ever-present shadow of death shaped my perspective further. The country's evolution into a landscape of increasing aggression and consistent violence instilled in me a pervasive fear of death, or what some might call 'death anxiety.' This constant companion of fear weaved itself into my anxiety and how I interacted with the world around me.

The Inescapable Presence of Death

As I grew older, death seemed to be a constant follower in my life's journey. It's an inevitable truth we all face – death is there, looming in the background, waiting for us all. This realization isn’t meant to be morbid; rather, it's an acknowledgment of life's fragile and precious nature.

A Year of Soul-Stretching Loss

This year has been particularly soul-stretching. I lost a dear friend to suicide, a solitary decision that left many of us in shock and grief. The solitude of his choice to end his life haunts me, stirring thoughts about the shared nature of our existence and the profound impact of such an intensely personal decision on those left behind.

The Process and Pain of Grieving

Grieving is a strange, elusive process. It is a theme that has been prevalent for me lately, a journey through a landscape of loss and memory. Grieving feels like a surreal blur where the departed's absence is a constant, silent presence. This process of letting go, no matter how familiar, does not get easier with experience. Instead, we learn to live with the void left behind, a testament to the importance of the lost one in our lives.

Understanding Narcissistic Relationships

Narcissists can be charming and alluring at first, resembling the prince or princess of your dreams. But if your relationship feels like a never-ending emotional rollercoaster, with extreme highs and lows but never stability, you might be dating a narcissist. This realization often comes as a shock when the initial idealization phase gives way to a pattern of critical and demeaning behavior.

Key Signs of Dating a Narcissist

1. Inconsistent Behavior: Narcissists often display hot and cold attitudes. They may become distant and silent, only to revert to their affectionate selves, leaving you confused about their true feelings.

2. Trust Issues: If you're constantly questioning their fidelity and your gut tells you that you can't trust them, these are significant red flags.

3. Lack of Appreciation: Your efforts and needs might be consistently overlooked, and your accomplishments, big or small, often go unacknowledged.

4. Guilt and Blame: Narcissists have a way of making you feel guilty for things you haven’t done wrong, perpetuating a sense of constant blame.

5. Emotional Uncertainty: The relationship can be full of mixed signals, leaving you unsure about where you stand from one moment to the next.

The Impact on Your Self-Identity

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can change you fundamentally. You might find that the confident, happy, outgoing person you once were is now overshadowed by self-doubt and diminished self-esteem.

Navigating a Relationship with a Narcissist

Narcissists crave perfect mirroring and control, often manifesting in controlling your actions and emotions. Their emotional injuries lead to withdrawal or isolation, preventing meaningful conflict resolution. Understanding this dynamic is crucial for dealing with a narcissistic partner.

Deciding Your Path Forward

If you find that these signs resonate with your relationship, it's essential to ask yourself whether you are indeed dating a narcissist. Remember, dealing with a narcissist can be draining and may leave you feeling helpless. Seeking therapy for yourself might be a necessary step to strengthen your resolve and consider the healthiest path forward for your well-being.

Being naked and experiencing a sense of complete liberation is what we’re striving for here! There are two ways of having the body you’re happy with:

1. Do all the necessary steps to change (which will be explained below)

2. Learn to accept what you have and love it like it is your only treasure and not change a thing.

These statements may seem to be easily read but they are two of the most challenging experiences any of us can go through. Living in a society that will not simply accept what we are and who we are makes us second guess our gut feelings and leave us with a feeling of not being good enough.

An orgasm is the peak of sexual pleasure. It typically consists of a series of involuntary muscle contractions in the sexual organs, lower pelvic muscles, and the anus. An orgasm is accompanied by the release of endorphins – opioid-like chemicals produced in the brain that give a feeling of euphoria.

Everything we read nowadays on sex is about how to achieve the best orgasm or how to make your girl squirt or how to be the best lover using a million and one quite useless positions. We don’t believe that the wheelbarrow position is going to induce a greater orgasm for your partner when you are struggling to hold her legs while thrusting into her from behind. What has happened to common sense in the bedroom? What has happened to tapping into our deepest desire for the person in front of us and needing to penetrate them and kiss them with all the vigor that we can muster?

The three C's of life Consistency, Cheerfulness and Contentment are in equal measure to their opposites, namely Inconsistency, Misery and Melancholia. There is more to life than a life striving for happiness, as this is happiness an elusive word to understand.

The word “attractive” always makes me think of classic pinups and beauty queens, but when I really enquire into the word, it holds far more essence and depth to the point where each and every individual on this planet can embrace this one word and change their lives significantly. Not only will this induce change, but lead you towards manifesting abundance in your life.

I believe that one of the goals in this life is to become a more attractive person. What this doesn’t mean, is making the word sound superficial and focus simply on looks… Essentially looks fade and we all age, whereas attractiveness transcends all superficialities and is timeless.

One of the lessons we should all learn in life is not to force anything. The energy that comes with forcing in essence wont produce the desired effect you're after. But most importantly when you observe where force comes into the our consciousness we connect deeply with our lower level emotions.

"Only in the darkest depths of the One Mind, are we conceived. The Truth of Self, is never found in the light as light veils the truth, forming only the illusion of self"

I have always had a keen interest in philosophical teachings and particularly drawn to existential topics of discussion. I guess this is just the way my soul is hardwired and I've always enjoyed the darker topics which I think a lot of us avoid.

When we take a stand in life we unleash energy, it doesn’t really matter in what capacity we stand for but the mere act of taking this stand projects an energy into the ecosystem we are functioning in.

I often speak about ecosystems because we are always relating in a system within a system and I like to call it an ecosystem because it highlights that there is a flow among the biological community of interacting organisms in relation to their physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, sexual and financial environment. This forms a complex network or interconnected system that needs to be understood in isolation and in relation to the ecosystem in which it finds itself.

“Success cannot be pursued; success ensues. It flows as the unintended by-product of efforts concentrated in the direction of a worthy cause”. “Sharma”

This quote from Robin Sharma is directed towards the idea of legacy illustrating that success ensues from a the effort we put into the experience. When it comes to relationships I am often confronted with couples who treat their relationship with a desperate need to get to a particular destination. Much like a check list that they have to achieve and then move onto the next experience.

Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are two physiological dysfunctions that affect a large proportion of men all over the world. There are a number of contributing factors that can lead to these problems but the focus here is on the psychological.

It is always advisable to go and see a urologist or your doctor if you feel you are having erection problems as this is usually a red flag for another underlying condition that is being neglected. Once any medical and physiological concerns have been ruled out by a urologist, you can then begin focusing on the psychological aspects that may be hindering you during your lovemaking experiences.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA, 2020) Shame is identified as a highly unpleasant self-conscious emotion arising from the sense of there being something dishonourable, immodest, or indecorous in one’s own conduct or circumstances.

While Guilt is a self-conscious emotion characterised by a painful appraisal of having done (or thought) something that is wrong and often by a readiness to take action designed to undo or mitigate this wrong. It is distinct from shame, in which there is the additional strong fear of one’s deeds being publicly exposed to judgment or ridicule.

This article is focused on providing you key points in understanding how to navigate your relationship. The intention is to give you effective information to make your relationship with your partner and yourself 100 times stronger. The title of this article is focused on when we get communication wrong. What this implies is that there is an inevitability that two individuals in a relationship will get some of their communication misunderstood at various points in the relationship. This is very normal, but what is not normal is needing to endure suffering both internally and externally at the hands of miscommunication.

I believe that in our younger years we take for granted how women we have relationships with give their hearts to us. I have found that this is largely taken for granted because we haven’t yet unveiled enough of our own shadow side to truly understand what it is that we are wanting, let alone what we are not wanting. I don’t think this is a debate on how much we are willing to bring to the relationship because there is a very stark difference in decision making when a man decides that he wants to commit to a woman. His whole demeanour changes along with his whole psychological manner no longer presenting with one foot in, but both feet, mind, body and soul.

Sigmund Freud, is best known for his neuro-theories around sexuality and the unconscious mind and being the man who coined the word "Ego".

Freud identified an interesting psychological and sexological dichotomy in his male patients known as the ‘Madonna-Whore complex’. Men with this complex saw women as either saints or prostitutes, showing two positions within their capacity as men to love the one and eroticise the other. Although never intertwining both, there is very much a need for women to experience both cohesively when in a relationship. The common complaint often heard in the therapy room is men default out of the relationship and often move further away from the eroticisation of their partner and solely see them as either a mother or partner, no longer a sex object.

This is a very difficult topic for a lot of people to work through because when our partner has a particular disorder, be it, OCD, depression, anxiety or any other personality disorder to name a few, it seems that the human condition makes us feel a lot of guilt and shame when we feel our needs aren't being met. During this process because we love our partner, we endure a lot of emotional turmoil that we hide away from the world because sitting with our partners struggle feels potentially superior in comparison to our struggle with lack of intimacy.