The Modern Woman in Traditional Relationships: Navigating Evolved Dynamics
Without falling into the patriarchy narrative, the modern day woman living within a traditional relationship is a very interesting topic to explore, especially by a man trying to evolve for himself. What does this actually mean in reference to the modern day woman especially in relation to traditional relationships?
When I think of traditional relationships, I automatically think of relationships that are grounded in the philosophy of monogamy and I believe this can be viewed in two ways. The one being the negatives that come with traditional relationships and of course the many positives that come with them too. For the purposes of this article though I'd like to focus on the positives that come with traditional relationships.
In many respects there is a different style of value that is brought to the table in traditional relationships. They are usually built on the belief that longevity is a primary focus. The traditional "until death do us part narrative". It is understood that any obstacle is meant to be challenged directly by the couple and any hardship faced together. There is however very specific roles that are adopted by both parties in this kind of relationship.
I once had a remarkable client who said that a couple goes to war together, not against one another. I loved the analogy and could respect that this man was coming from a very traditional framework. For him it worked, but I could only imagine from the information received that his partner might have had a differing point of view.
Nonetheless, a large percentage of the population follow these principles and are happy within the traditional framework until problems start arising. There is however more movement towards a polyamorous lifestyle and framework which should include many traditional values and ideas, there is a stark diversion towards a different way of relating especially towards sex and sexual freedom.
I digress, but possibly a point we can come back to.
In respect to the modern woman, you have a woman who has broken through traditional patriarchal ideas and limitations to own her space in the world, both in society and within her body. There really is a rise of the divine feminine and this is a woman completely embodying her power. A major difference now is that not only is she embodying her power, she is giving voice to this power too. This voice is rattling many foundations of many men in the process.
A challenge to the system is that many men do not know how to navigate the space with a more evolved and evolving woman, and because there are many ego centric men out in the world, the modern day woman has a limited amount of men that she can truly be seen by (Or so it feels and is told to me by many of my clients). In essence both the masculine and feminine want to be seen, and heard and held by the other. Its really down to the willingness and capacity of the other to do so.
When we take the stance to facilitate the others freedom what does that actually mean for the relationship traditional or otherwise?
It means that in part the individual Is central in looking after themselves for the other not for themselves, and the couple is central in looking after the relationship together. Within this there are certain essentials that need to be adhered to and understood and embodied in order for the couple to be able to perform at this level of relationality.
What I mean by the individual has to look after themselves for the other is this. By looking after yourself for the other, you are both taking sole responsibility for yourselves but doing so not from an ego-centric place but one of knowing that it is your sole responsibility to look after yourself and your wellbeing. This is like bringing your A-game to the table every day. Knowing that your wellbeing will add to the longevity of the relationship and keep you further removed from creating a co-dependant relationship with your partner.
The responsibility of self to self is vital. A perfect example is how we fall into co-dependency when we begin to live with a partner, whereas when we live on our own we suddenly and drastically take a very different stance on how we live with ourselves. The unspoken agreement is almost like saying "I trust that my partner will look after themselves well enough to ensure that I do not need to worry about them doing so; this gives me time and space and freedom to focus on me and my wellbeing so that they do not worry about me and my wellbeing", what then occurs is that both parties are full within themselves with the intention of sharing this fullness together in the space called relationship.
By taking this stance, it doesn’t really matter that the woman in question is no longer what we see as no longer purely traditional, but because you are full within yourself you are able to meet her on whatever level she needs to be met. This could be when she falls back into traditional patterns or when she prefers to engage with her new agedness. Regardless you are both full individuals and sharing within the relationship.
There is a potential conflict however which needs to be addressed, and that is: when there is a conflict within the relationship because of this dynamic how do you navigate that space?
If both of you have agreed to your unspoken terms that you will be looking after your wellbeing for the other, and the fullness you are both achieving is directed back into the relationship then it will inevitably give rise to a different kind of platform for discussion. The discussion really then becomes one of celebrating the others successes and progression towards their potentiality. If there is conflict then a major question to ask yourself is: am I helping my partner be expansive in their development or am I hindering them and holding them in a space of longevity? The same can be asked differently: is my partner facilitating my expansion individually and in the couple so that I may achieve and feel a complete sense of freedom on my dharmic path?
By asking these kinds of questions you will have an access point where discussion can take place and remedy can follow because this is a position where there is no space for ego-centrism, and if there is defensiveness and resistance, you will be conscious enough to stay within this tension and work towards the greater good of the relationship.
Via Con Dios
