Exploring Daddy Issues: Impact and Healing for Men
It seems that men are the root of it all. The convoluted nature of this statement can be taken in so many different ways and men are often portrayed as the evil doers because for one simple reason is that we have a massive impact on the world. In my opinion the world is at a total loss without women, but the more I research and enquire into men and the importance of men, we too are important and our power and impact on others cannot be overlooked, not even for one second.
I once watched a movie called "the last man on planet earth", and in a nutshell it focuses on a future time when men have quite clearly eradicated themselves due to the wars that they have created. This female only utopia focuses in on a scientist who illegally bioengineers a man and has to deal with the consequences that come with her desire for his creation. This movie was low budget yes, but the premise that as men we have the potential to completely annihilate ourselves or make the necessary changes to grow and expand ourselves so that we have a different type of impact on the world.
Its quite interesting for me because I watched this movie when I was 17 years old and it has had a lasting impact on me to this day. Completely oblivious to the actual message it was pressing across to me, but now verging on 40 my mindset has changed completely in comparison to my younger self.
The title of this article is called "searching for daddy", and in the world that I work, daddy issues are synonymously connected with women (it would appear the mainstream narrative is such), but I would beg to differ. It seems that the majority of us have daddy issues and this once again highlights the real impact that men have on both men and women.
So what If we do have daddy issues… what does it all mean?
Well the traditional analysis of this is that most women seek out a man who may represent their father or provide aspects that were missing for them during their childhood. The same can be said for men where we search for father figures who can mentor us and guide us through life's difficulties. There seems to be quite a difference in distinction between the two, as the one is almost purely emotional and needing safety and containment, while the other is more aligned with the practicalities of life. I guess both highlighting that men and women might have different needs in terms of what they are wanting and needing from their fathers. But the need for safety and emotional connection for men can be deeply tied to our fathers too.
This said, the role of the father is something of utmost importance and I do not believe that men realise the impact they can have on everyone around them. This impact is not only through us being men, but the actual process of being men. This can range from penetration and the responsibility of that, to purely an energetic connection that we have with someone. We are the oblivious initiators of responsibility whereas I see women being the alchemizers of that responsibility. The one initiates very well, while the other cultivates this energy into the fruition of someone beautiful… hence the statement "the mother of all creation".
We get so het up within this debate of masculinity and what kind of man we need to be, be it alpha, beta or anything other stereotype you'd like to connect with. But it goes without saying that regardless of what stereotype or architype you connect with, you are still impactful and impacting the world around you whether you like it or not. This is where is see that responsibility or the concept of responsibility is not given enough time and space to actually embed itself into the psyche of men, and be reinforced through the feminine, or at least finding a different narrative so men can understand the importance of this responsibility.
When we think about daddy issues we can align it with lack, or deficit. Something hasn’t been received by the father which in turn has created feelings of longing or neediness in being fulfilled because we have created a longing for safety in our wounded child. So unconsciously we go through life desperately seeking this imaginary fulfilment thinking that we will receive this from another human being, whereas all we are basically creating is a situation of co-dependence. When we wake up from the veil of co-dependence, we no longer want the object of desire that was so desperately needed before. This is where I find there to be a separation between men and women.
Women may usually find themselves in relationships with men who provide a sense of safety and fulfilment for the void they had with their fathers. They then reach a point where they are "no longer in love" with the father image because they have grown through their neediness but yet are stuck in a situation where they feel this individual can no longer fulfil them. What occurs with men is that they will inevitably seek mentors throughout life which can become an addictive process in of itself moving from one mentor to the next until they have "received enough love, or guidance" from this man in order to be allowed or approved to step into the fullness of their masculinity.
So as you can see both can create an unhealthy need for this "temporary daddy", until they have faced themselves enough to recognise that they have to face the loss of the father and grieve this process in order to clear enough space in their lives to allow a different kind of consciousness to enter be it in the form of a partner, money, success, or anything that is connected with the self rather than with the need of a father.
So dear reader, this leaves me with one question for you. Have you truly looked at your daddy issues and processed them to your advantage?
We all need to take the time to process our father and mother wounds and see how this has fed into our ability to relate to others. It is essential also to look at how our repetitive behaviours can be linked to these wounds and it might give you a new and different avenue to explore what is holding you back from your relational success in all areas of your life.
We need to remember that we are relational beings. Relationships are the life force in sustaining or deconstructing us. We need to be able to explore relationships from a healthy and mature position, and yes much of this is going to be trial and error but the intention is to face ourselves and eventually come to a state of peace with who and what we are. It is unfortunate that much of this growth can be seen to be at the mercy/detriment of others through relationships and people get hurt along the way, but therein also lies very important information for our development. The information is that we are all interconnected and the collective unconscious on a very simplified level is pushing us all to expand our consciousness and become greater as a collective. This will continue until we become more conscious and make the necessary changes inwardly and outwardly, and then learn how to re-relate in a manner that is wholesome, expansive, healthy and authentic in nature.
Vaya Con Dios
My discussion point is being arrived at from a heteronormative position, so this is not to neglect the importance of all positions sexually speaking, but it is the one I am speaking from and the most informed position I can speak from.
