Exploring Conscious Kink: Unveiling the World of Sexual Expression
We had the most beautiful pleasure of hosting Giap @tongsayor on our podcast where we spoke about all things conscious kink. Her story is stunning especially with regards to how she is on this journey of constant exploration within the world of sexuality and kink and it seemed her mission was really one of finding peace within herself.
So what is kink?
Most people have a varied definition of what kink really is. My interpretation is based on kink being a noun where it is seen as a twist. So in respect to ones sexuality, it is a twist in ones sexuality. I do not see kink as a deviation or perversion even though it has been classified as such historically. The reality is that we all have kinks in one way shape or form, some hard, some soft but regardless we all have them. The more important question is whether we are willing to grow through these kinks and explore our narrative past, present and future and why we ascribe to such "twists" in our sexual makeup.
One of the most important aspects to anything in life is our relationship with the given idea, topic, manner of being, or relational quality. This relationship will illuminate how we function in the world and how we relate to every aspect of our lives. This is a simple indicator of how deep our sexuality is and how it infiltrates almost everything. In my mind, the sexual is the spiritual, so it is in everything.
In other words, and sexually speaking we all have some type of kink. The difference is that there are communities that hold space for these kinks to be played out and explored without judgment of feeling that there is something wrong with the thoughts and feelings that come from the experience.
One of the most illuminating ideas around kink is the idea that most people who experience or want to experience kink have some form of past trauma that they are trying to navigate through the experience of kink. I am always sceptical to generalise a truth without the adequate research being done, but from the variety of people I have spoken with most if not all share the same experience… that kink is incredibly healing. Healing, not only from a trauma perspective in regaining control over ones life, but also from the perspective of re-sensitising the body from years and years of dissociating due to painful events.
How does it play out?
The beauty is that this can be answered on your own or with another or with many, the difference is that there needs to be a conscious element that is based on ones intentionality. So in other words why am I engaging in this particular kink and for what purpose and for what gain? These questions need to be answered in order to acquire depth in the task you are engaging in in, otherwise we leak too much energy, and ultimately doesn’t allow us to master any alignment in body, mind, sexuality and soul.
This process can be as simple as playing with rope and tying yourself so as to understand the feeling that comes from rope against bare skin, leading all the way to being hung by a professional shibari practitioner. The beauty is that the exploration is endless, but it is good practice to try and become as authentic to your intention as possible right from the beginning to avoid any Stuckness within the ego process.
Why do we need it?
Life is in equal measure good and bad, pleasurable and painful, light and dark etc etc. The essence to this is that we have to be able to know the landscape of the pain in order to know true pleasure. There is mutual understanding with one and the other which leads to a true knowing, especially where ones limitations lie in each. The harmonising process is beautiful when it is unfolding. Each individuals balance is entirely different and this is what makes kink so unique. No two people are the same, but yet there are many cross overs and many conscious people we can cross paths with and learn how to truly play as adults. We ultimately need it because it allows us to harmonise emotionally, physically, sexually and spiritually. It is one of the many kink experiences that places us within our body and taps into the rawness of the emotion that is very often overlooked. In a safe place this can be incredibly healing. It can be incredibly cathartic and allow for all sorts of aha moments to arise for us. For me it is a platform of discovery that has no bounds unless you place them there.
Can it be healing?
Like anything, mindset is very important here. Me tattooing myself is an immensely healing process because I get to push my body to the limits of its pain threshold consciously being aware of when I cannot take any more. This leads me to a type of bodily shock where my body begins to shiver uncontrollably telling me its had enough. I truly appreciate this process because it has changed my perspective on pain. It places me so deep within my body that I am completely aligned in those moments of experiencing immense amounts of pain for hours on end. There is something to be said about experiences that press us to surrender to either pain or pleasure. Both of which require a surrender of sorts. Both of which are more conscious and in the mind than in the body. It is the mind that battles the body whereas the body is the one craving surrender. By placing yourself through such experiences allows us to rescript our narrative around pain and pleasure. We become the masters of how this looks and also equips us with not only a different mindset on how to deal with pain, but a resilience that is second to none.
Can it be damaging?
Once again, like anything, too much of something can always be damaging in nature. My primary concern is that this play is done consciously. Knowing where one places their boundaries or even communicates their lack of boundaries in a safe environment allows for all parties involved to know what and what not needs to be managed. This is vital in knowing how to say no, equally vital in knowing how to say yes at the right time. The damage only comes in when you have inexperience and unclear boundaries. This too comes with practice but it is also about never getting too ahead of yourself. Remain humble. Remain vigilant and trust your mind and body and how they are communicating to you at all times.
How do we get into it
Explore the subject as much as possible with yourself and slowly begin to place the intention out in the world. See how you can be curious with this beautiful space and try and meet like minded individuals who are willing and open to explore in safe and consensual spaces. Consent is vital. Without it will only lead to mistrust and potential trauma. We can all get triggered with the most random of stuff, which makes it even more important to be as transparent as we can be. What feels good, what feels bad, knowing how to say no, knowing how to say yes.
Go play
Vaya Con Dios
